The Toxies...

Toxies... it's a word I use for the the type of people who are always there for you, no matter what... to drain the fuck out of you.

Toxies have no real responsibilities, no respect or consideration for your responsibilities and feelings, are unable to contribute anything positive at all to their relationships, and they persistently annoy the piss out of others by expecting them to sacrifice a good night's sleep to their neediness. They come in different forms... old disappearing/reappearing friends, exes, family members, coworkers, classmates, neighbors... you get the point. They suck you dry of all that is giving, good, patient, and unconditional. They take advantage. They pop up at the worst times, because they have some kind of sixth sense that tells them that you are vulnerable and primed for easy pickings. They lie. They cheat. They cause premature aging. They are everywhere... and they are coming for you.

I have had my fair share of toxies. Usually they come in the form of exes or past aquaintances, who somewhere along the lines either have branded me as some kind of personal property there to make them feel better about themselves, or have attached themselves to me like a vitality-sucking tumor. Bad experiences have included and are not limited to being picked clean financially, manipulation, abuse, annoyance, stalking, and drunken "I need you" texts and phonecalls and messages at all hours of the night (it doesn't matter that I might have something huge going on in my own life like a grandparent dying, or that I might be trying to sleep at 2:00am because I do have a small child who I have to get up with in the morning). I even have a family member who has pushed me to consider staging my own death so I can run off and start a new life with a new name, just to escape the insanity.

Put simply: Toxies are bad. M'kay?

While many people have no problems laying down the law and telling certain people to fuck off, others genuinely care about their toxies. Yours could be your sibling, kid, parent, best friend, partner...  Some do not realize that they are putting strain or pressure on others, and may only exhibit certain behaviors because of underlying deep-seeded issues. In a case like that, it's hard to tell a loved one to go out and play in traffic. For those who do not care how much they sponge off of others, such as an aquaintance or coworker, you still have to be careful. For all you know, that pesky chick that you dated 10 months ago, could have a basement full of decapitated corpses. I'm just saying. Maintaining your composure and not getting all psycho is usually intelligent. Unless you are me... at 2:32am... when the phone rings... and I am tired... and I yell because the call is not for an important purpose.

So how do you get rid of a toxic person?

Boundaries.

It's the only way I've found that works. Set them. Stick to them. If that doesn't work, cut ties. It sucks, and no one really wants to be an asshole, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, and there's no other way around it. Probably sounds mean, but it's the truth... eventually we all have to ask ourselves, "Is this good for me?"