01.14.12

The depth of my soul, Lays behind shades of greens, With an occasional hue of blues... My past and my future, Are perhaps irrelevant, Depending upon which road you stand. Without hindsight, These shoes that I fill, Would fail to beat to the rhythm, Of my soul's tune. Without foresight, Of a vast awry of mystery, The rhythm drumming within, From hindsight's past... Would it mean a thing? I have stories to tell, Some mostly based upon assumption, From days gone black... Does that make my past relevant? I over analyze, Behind the greens and hues, That you may call, Windows to my soul, But another may claim, They are just means of transmission, From the outside world, To my brain... I analyze my hindsight, To vast obsessions, For the purpose of shaping my future... I analyze my future, Forgetting the Now- Without grace, I Flaw for patience, Upon every stepping stone, That shall lead me there. I analyze the Now, The lack of patience, Remembrance upon the desire, For the immediate fix, The immediate solution... Though my hindsight exists, Of a completely different behavior, I recognize a fraction, Of the personality, That is still alive, That will always need to be Aware, For the sake of My recovered survival... An addict, Can be and will be still An addict, With or without the addiction of choice, An addict, Is still an addict, If Growth is not achieved... I am Flawed- In my lack of patience. I am Flawed- In my want of control. I am Flawed- In so many ways. However... I am Flawed perfectly, Beautifully. Behind the mostly green, The occasional blue, Beyond my flesh, Beyond my stories From this incarnation, Beyond my future dreams... I am evolving. I am not alone. I never was- Even in reclusive moments, Hidden behind Physical and metaphorical walls... I was Never alone. I see that now. I am just another Cellular structure, Having similiar experiences With other cells. One moment at a time. One embrace at a time. Together, We are Mother Earth. We are her puzzle pieces, Scrambling around, Similiar to an auto-immune, Attacking one another, Attacking vital parts To "her" structure... In hindsight, I am my own worst enemy. In the Now, I become more- Awake Alive Aware... When tomorrow comes, Be it through my greens, Or my hues of blue, Or be it a trail of fractions Left behind, Through pieces I have shared... I want my hindsight, As well as yours, To be the morning's sunrise, To be the evening's dusk... I want our fingerprints To be the Cure, For healing OUR Mother's Auto-immune.