Okay... I just got a call from a friend who was crying so hard, she could barely breathe. If she sees this, no worries... I will not name names, but I do have a lot to say, for her, for others, and also for myself.
The suddenly and recently popular "let's poke fun at the weird little Pagan/Jew/Christian hippie rainbow girl" game is ending.
Now.
I will not apologize for who I am. It is very obvious that the majority of you have no idea who I am... because you have never bothered to try learning who I really am. You choose to look with your eyes and go by your assumptions, rather than looking with your heart and attempting to discover the truth. While that is hurtful (more so than most of you realize), that really is not my problem. It is yours. Stop projecting things which are yours, and yours alone, on me. It's not nice, and it's probably something which your mommy or daddy or other caregiver taught you at young age-- to be nice to other people.
After a lengthy conversation with my grandmother yesterday (and before anyone accuses me of being a crybaby... unlike most of you, I don't have a mommy and daddy who take care of things for me... I have done most of it on my own, have had to learn things the hard way, and only go to her when things get bad, and only for advice), I have done a lot of thinking and have made a decision... I have stated how I feel, so now, if the garbage doesn't stop by the end of the weekend, I will be doing a massive wipeout on this [my Facebook] account. There will be no exceptions. This is because I choose to remove myself when I feel bullied.
Some of you may not like that I just used that word -- "bullied" -- but whether you like it or not, or even realize it, that's what you're doing, and not just to me, but to eachother. I'm seeing it everywhere. Just last night, another friend was harrassed and told she should kill herself. The same thing happened to ANOTHER friend a few months ago. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! It is really sad to see human beings move backwards... where difference of opinion, beliefs, and even petty likes and dislikes, defines how we treat others. Even more sad... how we treat people who we've known for some time, but are slowly turning our backs on because someone or something else says to. We are too quick to focus on the negative and the differences, and to find fault in everyone and everything... long before the good. That, is judgement... and it hurts. Look at the world... look at history... look at the kid you tormented in grade school (or maybe you were that tortured kid)... look at what it does. I'm seeing neighbors, old friends, people who are family, at eachother's throats. It's not funny. It's not a game. Most of you are adults, yet your kids are behaving with more kindness, tolerance, and maturity on here than you are. Truth hurts.
I have been hurt many times in the last month. More so than I want to admit. It's one thing to blow it off when someone tells me I have a fat rear end. It's another when it happens every day... to the point that it eats at you. I've had a few of you tell me I'm tough... and I am... that happens when you are treated badly from birth... but I'm also human, and I have feelings. (To those of you who claim to be perfectly fine with what others think and say and do, and say it doesn't affect you in any way, and thus why you think your fellow human beings should learn to hack it along with you... have you ever heard of disassociation? Pretty common in survivors. Personally, it took me some time to come back to reality and start feeling again, and I still have episodes when really stressed. It's defense. If you're comfortable with that in yourself, that is fine... but don't pick on others for not being like you.) It's also hurting me that others who are very close to me, are being mistreated just as much... some, worse, and to a point that they don't even want to answer their phones anymore and jump into a panic when it rings. Some have had their internet shut off on purpose.
While I understand and respect that others have different views, my own view is that I will only be judged by the higher powers which I believe in, because it is no one else's right to step in and take over that power. If you don't like that, and are going to disrespect that... well... then I wish you well in life and on your journey. In the end, these are only my own thoughts and feelings, and I know all of you will only use these words however you want to. Just don't ever assume that I will not stand up for myself.
